Much needed Siri Upgrade

IMG_2803This past week I killed my iPhone with a faulty car charger. Or my elderly electronic systems killed the charger which killed the phone. Whatever. The phone died and I had to spend a couple of hours at the Handheld Device store because even if you know what you want it’s a saga to get it.

I was hoping to cobble along with my old iPhone until the 7 came out. But there were other plans for me. I was also hoping for some upgrades besides stupidly long and delicately thin. One of the upgrades I was hoping for:

“Siri please [I say please to my phone, mock me go ahead everyone else does] give me directions to 125532 Weld County Rd 98.”

I want Siri to give me directions like some old guy you run into at an old store in the middle of nowhere:

“So little lady, lemme tell you the best way to get there. Go down fourteen til you see the crossroads. Not the first crossroad but the second where the big clump of sunflowers sits in the ditch. You turn down that road and go a mile or so. Maybe more. You might see some cows in the road but pay them no nevermind just go slow. An’ if they don’t get outa th’ way roll yer winda down and bang onna side your car. Them’s the Taggett’s and those cows are always bustin through the fence. Course that’s cuz them Taggett’s lazy cusses an’ don’t build proper fences…where was I? oh yeah then you wanna turn right at the cattle guard and the tree. Go down this road til you see an old woman sitting on her porch. Now this old gal, will try to wave you over but for criminy sake, don’t do it. No no no little lady, she will try to sell you on Jesus and the aliens coming to get you…Once upon a time she weren’t so crazy but after her gandson gave her that meth accidently she done gone off…So after you pass her you’re gonna see a stop sign. Now why the hell the county put a stop sign at these roads is beyond me ‘cept maybe it’s the damned oil field traffic them kids racin’ around here like NASCAR kings or somethin’…so pay no never mind to the stop sign you can see for miles all direction and then turn left and go another seven miles until you see the tree. . .”

Much more interesting than: “in 2.5 miles turn right. . .”

Just a thought. Maybe Siri’s voice could change to fit the dialect and speech patterns of the region she is navigating? Think about it. You know you want this on  your next smart phone.

About Laura

When my nest emptied I moved from the big city to a little big town to tend to a ramshackle yellow house on the edge of town. These are my Yellow House Days.
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6 Responses to Much needed Siri Upgrade

  1. I have one of the old time GPS in my car because hubby is constantly getting lost and refuses to use a smart phone (he prefers a dumb one). So anyway you can change the voices so I changed to a porn start. You should hear it! It’s a riot!


  2. Since I’ve always been a Samsung girl, I don’t know Siri. Don’t miss that, either.


  3. Bless your little heart, cuz I knew just what you were fixin’ to say. I’m a Texas girl. I live in the country mind you, and city folk like that Siri person should work a little harder at showin’ some manners and gettin’ to know a person, you know? Gettin’ from here to there isn’t what life’s all about. By the way, when you get to the second stop sign, stop in at MeMaw’s on the corner. She makes the best peach cobbler. Tell her I sent you. Brenda


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